It's pretty weird that most game settings have vaguely Hellenistic deities that embody abstract principles, like sunshine and epilepsy. Except it's usually more something unreflective like "god of agriculture" and that's it. Boring! Also weird and bad is the idea that those gods derive some sort of power from worship, that faith is inherently valuable. That's some WASP-reading-D'Aulaires bullshit.
In this world, the gods are transactional, inhuman, and pathological. They can be bribed or killed but not befriended. A cleric is simply an expert at placating them.
Awful Gods
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| Valkhana |
Vhalkana
A forge deity. He created half the sentient species kicking around but despises every one of them for their flaws, like an ill-tempered potter might feel about a kiln-cracked bowl. Vhalkana also has a hobby: hunting down weaker gods for spare parts. He has some priests who receive "improvements" in exchange for running errands, like hunting down fallen stars (pieces of sky gods) and harvesting organs from other priests. Those organs have trace compounds of divine "pneuma" that Vhalkana extracts with his Soul Kiln.
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| The Megagog |
Megagog
This is at least the fourth Megagog. An ancient god of war decreed that her godhood would belong to whomever could kill her. Eventually somebody did. None of the new Megagogs could undo that aspect of their divinity, and they keep getting killed by the next Megagog. The present Megagog achieved apotheosis within living memory. He was once styled Prince Murder IV of the Savage Coven and if anything that makes him sound too nice. Lots of people hang out at shrines to Megagog in the unwise hope that he'll show up to fight or teach.
The Mare
Once upon a time there was an ungulate resentful of mankind's hands. Why did the primates get thumbs while hoofed creatures must serve as slaves or meat? As some sort of cosmic revenge, the Mare compulsively collects the severed hands of sentient creatures. It does this directly, but also pilgrims bring hands to its temples (often not their own) in exchange for the hope of a miracle. There are pits with millions of mummified hands, but most don't bother with the fuss.
The Khaldok
None of their gods are real. Multiple other gods confirm that the entire Khaldok pantheon is a series of folk tales that imagine cosmic monsters to explain poorly-understood aspects of nature. Yet the Khaldo culture's bloody sacrifices, repulsive insect-eating ceremonies, and preposterous dream spells all work. Kiirgen the Mad, perhaps the greatest wizard of last century, drove himself completely insane trying to find any kind of actual explanation. He ruled out other gods stepping in, arcane magic and psionics, the pure power of belief, and higher-dimension energy transfer. He studied the problem until all of his hair fell out, both of his concubines left him, and he pawned his last spellbook to pay for experiments proving that their god Crepulon cannot control the weather with fish as his hands, because Crepulon does not exist. Kiirgen died of exposure, penniless.
Game Mechanics
Writing for other peoples' OSR or even D&D hacks is pretty hopeless. Here are my rules, if you want you can adapt them for whatever bespoke situation you have going.
Curry Divine Favor
You can curry favor with one of the insane deities that pay attention to this region. It's maybe not smart, but it is a thing you could do. Each god has a unique series of propitiations and injunctions.
Each god below will grant favor to anybody who performs the related
ritual. This favor can be regained if lost, and you can have favor from as many deities as you can manage. The next stage of divine favor is marking. Only a single god can mark
you –that's them calling dibs. This does not interact with favor –you can get a mark from your favorite sky daddy and still keep favor from everybody else. Finally are boons. Obtaining a boon for any god removes
favor with all other deities and prevents regaining them. It is
possible to lose favor with a deity while retaining their mark and
boon, though this is a Caine- or Job-esque state of affairs.
Just to be very clear: not one of these gods would walk around you if you were lying bleeding in their way, or piss on you if you were on fire. Best case scenario, you are their favorite ant in the colony and they can only kind of tell you apart from the others.
Broken-Winged Chinnu
Favor Of Chinnu (150gp)
The Khaldok-pantheon god Chinnu favors those who ritually feed their own blood to insects on the daily. In exchange, Chinnu graciously sends fewer invisible demons to inflict misfortune upon you. Confers -2 hitpoints, +1 to random encounter checks. Harming an insect-typed monster loses their favor.
Mark Of Chinnu (300gp)
To be marked, you must consume a sacrament of poisonous locusts that inflicts a further -2 hitpoints, save half. Chinnu's mark is a pair of tattered, broken wings that sprout bloodily from your back. This miracle grants resistance vs falling damage and +1 to drain checks.
Boon Of Chinnu (450gp)
Chinnu's boon surrounds you with a thin envelope of low-pressure vacuum and grants you a halo of little stars and planets. This state grants +1 saves, resistance vs electric damage, and +1 max casting rank.
The Mare
Favor Of The Mare (150gp)
It is very simple to win the Mare's favor. Leave an offering of severed hands to be devoured by wild beasts. It grants +2 initiative. Harming an ungulate costs their favor. Using them as mounts or beasts of burden counts as a form of harm.
Mark Of The Mare (300gp)
Her mark is the same as her offering: sever one of your hands and mummify it. This presents some obvious difficulties regarding equipment use (shields are still fine) and imposes -1 on drain checks because spells are designed to be cast with at least two hands. Their mark grants +1 speed.
Boon Of The Mare (450gp)
The Mare's boon transforms your lower half into that of a zebra, granting +1 encumbrance. Your descendents retain this feature and a certain horseishness of the brain.
Megagog
Favor Of Megagog (150gp)
You can secure Megagog's favor by striking the killing blow against a creature with 100+ max hitpoints and sealing the deal with a blood-drinking ritual. Their favor confers +40 XP. You must not bandage others nor show mercy to a foe, else lose their favor.
Mark Of Megagog (300gp)
His mark is a gory symbol that you must carve into your own forehead. It gives +1 melee offense and -1 to random encounter checks (so you can keep getting into fights).
Boon Of Megagog (450gp)
The boon of Megagog is this: when you critically hit, your skin becomes a deep red, you increase to large size and you inflict +5 damage. This lasts until the end of that encounter or you are reduced to 0 hitpoints, and does not cumulatively stack with itself.
Vhalkana
Favor Of Vhalkana (150gp)
This coveteous god will smile at you with their uranium teeth if you gift his priests an expensive collection of moldavite crystals. Their favor grants +1 max trinkets. If someone in your adventuring party ever has a magic item of greater rarity they will stop favoring you. You have a hot minute to do something about any differential, so you can buy it from them or threaten them into selling it.
Mark Of Vhalkana (300gp)
Valkhana's mark is a large shard of glowing metal that sticks rather obtrusively from your body. Like, a two foot chunk of iron. It sheds light in a 40 foot radius and grants +1 AC.
Boon Of Vhalkana (450gp)
Their boon is an epidermis of obsidian with a magma crazing effect. It grants fire resistance.
This post was inspired by Orbital Crypt's post about Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup.
